Dost, teri dosti…

With every shop in town urging me to buy a friendship day card, I realised that no matter what, the idea of friendship always appeals to us. We enjoy films like Dil Chahta Hai – connect with them, experience those feelings almost knowing its what we felt at some point of our lives.

All of us enjoy the company of friends – people whom we hold close to our hearts. But the important thing is all of us also lose friends. Over misunderstandings. Over fights. Over arguments. Over lack of contact. And also because we move on.

With every stage of life, one finds certain people with whom we share a common bond and every moment spent together is a good memory. But sometimes we move on from that stage, leaving behind those friends – some of whom are hurt by our disassociation.

And no, I don’t mean to stay out of touch. I am also told a lot of times that I chose to keep away and didn’t want the friendship anymore. And I am at a loss of words. Because sometimes one doesn’t have any explanation for this. Some friendships are circumstantial and try as much as we may, we sometimes cannot find common links with them anymore. Not to say that they don’t matter to us anymore or that we didn’t value them before, but just that the relation drifts along and finally apart.

And as they say, any relation needs work. So the important thing even for friendships, I have found is one needs to make it work. All the stuff one hears of being friends in spirit is fine but one needs to work on being with each other. This doesn’t mean in person but to keep the relation going. To more than them being there for you, you being there for them always. To let them know that no matter what they do, you are going to (or try to) understand.

One of my best buddies in the world is someone who is diametrically opposite to me and often the only thing demanded of me is to understand. And believe you me, its tough! I am tempted to change my friend into being my mirror reflection. But then I think – does the world need another me? Nope. So we agree to disagree and move on :)

Even I have lost friends and friendships and felt the pain. But then I also understand that most of the times, its only me who carries the pain because I never let my friend know that I am grieving the loss of this friendship. And sometimes I also realise that my friend doesn’t see this as loss just because we aren’t doing things together doesn’t mean we aren’t friends!

I myself out of anger and deep hurt stopped all communication with a dear friend for two years! Never spoke a word. Each time I felt I wasn’t ready and it was no point in pretending that we are friends again. This may also be because I value my relations a lot. When I call someone a friend, it means a lot to me. And while I am not one to demand time from friends, if someone breaks a promise it breaks my heart.

Today when I look back I realise I was younger and had rigid ideas about things. I wouldn’t say much has changed now but I do realise its never worth losing time over a relation you want to save. No point in waiting for the other to make the first move. If in any case, you want to be their friend, just call. It may seem awkward in the beginning but soon you would be talking like those two years never went by! And this is rare because often even two days are long enough for relations to break.

Today we are friends again, in touch with each other and knowing that no matter what this is a bond we created for a lifetime.

And they say if you have 5 best friends, you have a good life. And I guess I am blessed because I have more than 5 close friends – all of whom have seen me through life’s worst times, picked me up and then helped me to laugh at my miserable state! And of them, 5 are in a different city, two in different countries as well and yet the bond remains – making the statement real for me that “The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart”

To those who are hurt, I can only say - take heart, your friends continue to be yours and when they go down memory lane, they think of you warmly and you know it was worth it all :)