Dost, teri dosti…

With every shop in town urging me to buy a friendship day card, I realised that no matter what, the idea of friendship always appeals to us. We enjoy films like Dil Chahta Hai – connect with them, experience those feelings almost knowing its what we felt at some point of our lives.

All of us enjoy the company of friends – people whom we hold close to our hearts. But the important thing is all of us also lose friends. Over misunderstandings. Over fights. Over arguments. Over lack of contact. And also because we move on.

With every stage of life, one finds certain people with whom we share a common bond and every moment spent together is a good memory. But sometimes we move on from that stage, leaving behind those friends – some of whom are hurt by our disassociation.

And no, I don’t mean to stay out of touch. I am also told a lot of times that I chose to keep away and didn’t want the friendship anymore. And I am at a loss of words. Because sometimes one doesn’t have any explanation for this. Some friendships are circumstantial and try as much as we may, we sometimes cannot find common links with them anymore. Not to say that they don’t matter to us anymore or that we didn’t value them before, but just that the relation drifts along and finally apart.

And as they say, any relation needs work. So the important thing even for friendships, I have found is one needs to make it work. All the stuff one hears of being friends in spirit is fine but one needs to work on being with each other. This doesn’t mean in person but to keep the relation going. To more than them being there for you, you being there for them always. To let them know that no matter what they do, you are going to (or try to) understand.

One of my best buddies in the world is someone who is diametrically opposite to me and often the only thing demanded of me is to understand. And believe you me, its tough! I am tempted to change my friend into being my mirror reflection. But then I think – does the world need another me? Nope. So we agree to disagree and move on :)

Even I have lost friends and friendships and felt the pain. But then I also understand that most of the times, its only me who carries the pain because I never let my friend know that I am grieving the loss of this friendship. And sometimes I also realise that my friend doesn’t see this as loss just because we aren’t doing things together doesn’t mean we aren’t friends!

I myself out of anger and deep hurt stopped all communication with a dear friend for two years! Never spoke a word. Each time I felt I wasn’t ready and it was no point in pretending that we are friends again. This may also be because I value my relations a lot. When I call someone a friend, it means a lot to me. And while I am not one to demand time from friends, if someone breaks a promise it breaks my heart.

Today when I look back I realise I was younger and had rigid ideas about things. I wouldn’t say much has changed now but I do realise its never worth losing time over a relation you want to save. No point in waiting for the other to make the first move. If in any case, you want to be their friend, just call. It may seem awkward in the beginning but soon you would be talking like those two years never went by! And this is rare because often even two days are long enough for relations to break.

Today we are friends again, in touch with each other and knowing that no matter what this is a bond we created for a lifetime.

And they say if you have 5 best friends, you have a good life. And I guess I am blessed because I have more than 5 close friends – all of whom have seen me through life’s worst times, picked me up and then helped me to laugh at my miserable state! And of them, 5 are in a different city, two in different countries as well and yet the bond remains – making the statement real for me that “The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart”

To those who are hurt, I can only say - take heart, your friends continue to be yours and when they go down memory lane, they think of you warmly and you know it was worth it all :)

Figuring out Life?

There are no straight answers
No clues that pop out
But there are loyal friends who stand by
Strangers who touch your heart

There are never easy choices
But then what is a choice, that is so easy to make?
Within you are those voices
That show you the real from the fake

The magic lies within you
Or maybe it does not
But that is because you do not define magic
Or else we all are magicians

There is pain, immense pain
It seems all in vain
But deep within you know this is worth it
Anyways you are not the one to simply sit

Even as the winners in the game celebrate
You know it is short-lived
You have learnt the bigger lesson
All that matters is that you keep learning

And in the end, you will realise
This is not a game after all
It is just a painting,
Colours of which are myriad

Driving Force!

Its funny how much one could learn if one is observant. I have always wondered how life could be explained by the process of driving.

Some of us are always in the learning mode. We seem to get better at some parts but most of the times we stumble, use the wrong gear or hit the brakes too late.

Some of us are always the experts. We drive effortlessly through tricky lanes, humming a song and coming face to face with death yet never giving up.

Some of us are the wild ones. We hit the accelerator as soon as the car is ready and never sit to ponder over what is left behind. We love the feel of gush of wind across our faces as we zoom past life. Most of the times the traffic police is chasing us.

Some of us are the cautious ones. We enjoy long drives, drive fast on the highways and have one eye on the speedbreakers and ditches. We manoeuvre ourselves well and enjoy the ride. We hit some lows and land in troubles but we manage just fine.

And then there are some over-cautious ones. We never let loose. We never lose focus of the road. We don’t allow music in the car and high toned chatter is a big no-no. We never like halting in the middle for any small shopping and all we think of is how do we get home.

As I drive my way now, I also see how some of us are ever impatient. We never can stand the sight of a learner, who is making mistakes and honk away to glory. We curse, abuse and yell. We seem to believe everyone has to learn and learn at the first go. Slow learners have no place in this mad traffic, making them believe that they are misfits.

But everytime I watch a 48-year-old lady struggling to watch her balance on the bike, I wish her luck. I know what goes behind that attempt – the courage, the fear and the grit. Every time I see a 30 year old man struggle behind the wheel, fumbling his gears, I smile. He’ll learn, till then he can fumble.

I wish more of us could get that support. To be allowed to fumble till we get it right. And not having that support should actually make us more sensitive to others. We have been there at some point – be it academics, be it work or be it personal relations. We have felt that miserable feeling that we would never learn or worse still we’ll always fail. Then how come we don’t show that empathy to our fellow humans?

All of us pretend to be perfect. Not because we want to be perfect but because no one allows us to be imperfect. No one says 9/10 is good. No one says health is more important than work. No one says its ok to fail.

So the next time you see a learner on the road, let him/her take his/her time. They’ll come around. They’ll figure it out. Because at the next crossroads, they may just do the same for you :)