For Pradeep.....

July 18th 2007

It’s the truth and I have to accept it. I am not fond of children and vice-versa. In fact I have had many instances wherein the moment children look at me, they cry or run away. Its as if my face says “I am your worst nightmare!” I can’t understand children. They are smart but will pretend to be stupid. They are funny but will cry. And they will bite!

But one child intrigued me. I met Pradeep, who is all of 5 years, at my home. He came with his parents who were fixing something in the home. He sat quietly and occasionally glanced around. I understood him. I know that feeling. Of being in a strange place and wondering what to do about it. I smiled at him and he looked at me. Just plain looked at me. Mom asked him his name and his mom told us that Pradeep couldn’t speak. He was weak and hence couldn’t speak.

I connected to him. At many levels, I enjoy not speaking. I enjoy being silent. Not that I can ever imagine his pain of not being able to communicate at all. But I knew that he enjoyed himself because I saw him play by himself many a times. I knew he didn’t feel anything unusual about himself and that’s how it has been with me. Everyone else has felt that I am different. But for me, everyone else is different :) Pradeep was like me.

We had just made tea and I offered him some and he lapped it up as if that’s the only tea he would get in a long long time. He then removed a chocolate from his pocket which his mom said he should offer me. He immediately hid it. I liked that. I liked the fact that he didn’t want to share his chocolate. I am very possessive about chocolates and with much reluctance I give it away to someone else :)

I like eating pasta and this Sunfeast Pasta offers Fixos. Those things you assemble to make small jeeps, helicopters, bicycles and cars. That’s the only toy I could offer to him. So I gave him a yellow and red jeep. He grabbed it, not once thinking of refusing or trying to be modest. I liked that. This was his reality. He didn’t have toys and as a child he shouldn’t be worrying about modesty :)

He didn’t play with the jeep. He put it in his pocket and for the 20 minutes he was in my home, he kept looking in his pocket to reassure himself that it was still there.

I saw him the other day in the building compound (his parents are construction workers) playing with the jeep. I smiled. But as soon as he saw me, he put the jeep quickly in his pocket. I could see that he feared I would ask for the jeep back and take away that joy from him. Mom said to him I wouldn’t take it. I didn’t say that. I simply walked away making him believe that I wouldn’t ever ask for the jeep again.

I had reassured one Pradeep and that was success enough :)