Reservations about being reserved!

I always marvel at how different each one of us is. Things that seem extremely easy for some become the most difficult for others. Simple things that make life easier only seem to get complicated with some of us. Like I cannot pick up the phone and ask for assistance. Be it a computer guy to repair my PC or a prospective employer to get a job. It just doesn’t happen. I usually don’t walk up to people to chat with them. I linger around in corners at parties (which I rarely attend) while I know some people who can walk into a room and make everyone feel that they know him/her. They can chat with people across ages, classes, races and languages. They can get their work done because they have the gift of the gab.

My forte, as is visible, is writing. I can write. Anything. Everything. Communication to me was born with writing. I have always admired people who can express themselves well. Be it with words or only through gestures. Often I have stood at bus stands looking at deaf and mute children communicate with their hands and laugh. I haven’t heard such pure laughter anywhere else. The entire world seems abnormal when they talk. They are oblivious of everyone around them. I often imagined that life must be so tough for them. But then I also understood that they were communicating. In spite of not being “gifted” enough, they expressed themselves. Whereas someone like me, who could speak, would rather write! That’s why I marvel at how different we are.

But I also have understood that each one of us has a place. We just need to know that. Everyone wants us to conform. To fit in a mould. To be like everyone else. And it isn’t as if we don’t try. But it’s a just a fact that we are different. And as Amitabh Bachchan says in Black, “Be proud to be different.” Its difficult. Not to belong. To be the odd person out. To be looked down upon. To be stared at as queer. To be always introduced as “So she is one of the shy types. The reserved one you know!”

But then we shine. On our own. Envying the ones who can talk and be the light of the parties. And also knowing we can never be like them. And ….. they can never be like us.

Moving on....

Staring in your eyes
I can see you have moved on
I only seem to have all memories nice
You seem to blur.. oh you are gone

I don’t know where I went wrong
I want to blame you
Its you who forgot our song
I guess you just wanted to start anew

I recall every dark memory
All the arguments and fights
I thought all the love I could bury
Fighting with myself thru the endless nights

But I know now its futile
I could never hate you
I love so you with all my heart
And there seems no place for hatred

I don’t believe love is about giving
Because I could never give you pain
I will keep walking behind you and never turn my back
So whenever you turn, you needn’t look very far

I will be with you, asking no questions
I will be for you, making no demands but one,
That you never break a heart again
And give someone else this pain.

This is me…

I am not who you want me to be
I can never be that idea, you see
You want me to fit in a format
I can only be boring and flat.

I am interesting in my own way
Not quite like the others, they say
I really want to be someone else
But it doesn’t seem to gel

I am rude and lovely
I am polite and fastidious
I love to be alone
I love attention

All thru my life
I tried to measure upto you
But then I realised
I wasn’t ever going to succeed.

I am me and you are you
You can’t be me
And now,
I don’t want to be you.

I enjoy being myself
And I wouldn’t like any other way
I accept who I am
And now I don’t give a damn!

A Walk down the beach

One of my favourite things to do
Is to walk down the beach
To hear the roar of the waves
And to understand what they preach

To feel the sand beneath my feet
Being whisked away by the waves
To understand the uncertainty of life
And fight with all the odds to beat

I am a wave
So youthful and deep
I am learning my lessons from the sea

To be energetic and vivacious as the sea
In what is my ultimate goal
To be calm and reassuring
When I am least expected to be

To watch out for those
Whom I love so dearly
To warn away those
Who will destroy themselves

To love with all my heart
And hold an ocean of mystery within me
To give my life my best shot
And return back to the sea.