Its funny how some songs remind you of a specific time of your life. Have you listened to a song and been transported to a bygone era. A time when life didn’t seem so simple or a time when there were no clear answers. And you wonder if your brain didn’t store those memories where would you be?
And this is not about nostalgia alone. Its about the small moments that make up life. If I couldn’t recall Christmas of 1993 when I hear Roja’s songs or think of great times spent with friends when I hear Dil Chahta Hai’s songs. If Jodhaa Akbar hadn’t been my solace during my research and if DDLJ didn’t remind me of my friend’s wedding.
I often hear listen to English songs and speak fondly of times gone. And my only connect to my past are Hindi film songs. Call me filmi! But every song has a memory of its own and its almost as if my life is spun around the songs.
Gadar shall forever be etched in my mind and everytime I hear “Udd Ja Kale Kawa” I remember my dissertation and all the joys that went with it.
Atif Aslam forever remains the favourite singer whose every song holds a special memory.
What is it about songs that make us connect to them? I hum … a lot. Its almost as if a song is playing on my jukebox and it just needs a trigger. I also sing sometimes and it just helps me see life more clearly.
Some songs are opportune for the moment. Like when my best friend left town, I remembered “Dil Ke Tukde Tukde Muskurake Chal Diye!”
And my college farewell where we sang “Pal” 60 of us together and put KK the singer to shame!
Or the time spent at the University singing “Hum Kis Gali Ja Rahe Hai”
And sometimes I wonder what if one day, the words escape me. I forget who I am.
Will I then be able to reassemble my life through the songs?
T S Eliot says "You are the music while the music lasts" Hmm good thought :)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Dost, teri dosti…
With every shop in town urging me to buy a friendship day card, I realised that no matter what, the idea of friendship always appeals to us. We enjoy films like Dil Chahta Hai – connect with them, experience those feelings almost knowing its what we felt at some point of our lives.
All of us enjoy the company of friends – people whom we hold close to our hearts. But the important thing is all of us also lose friends. Over misunderstandings. Over fights. Over arguments. Over lack of contact. And also because we move on.
With every stage of life, one finds certain people with whom we share a common bond and every moment spent together is a good memory. But sometimes we move on from that stage, leaving behind those friends – some of whom are hurt by our disassociation.
And no, I don’t mean to stay out of touch. I am also told a lot of times that I chose to keep away and didn’t want the friendship anymore. And I am at a loss of words. Because sometimes one doesn’t have any explanation for this. Some friendships are circumstantial and try as much as we may, we sometimes cannot find common links with them anymore. Not to say that they don’t matter to us anymore or that we didn’t value them before, but just that the relation drifts along and finally apart.
And as they say, any relation needs work. So the important thing even for friendships, I have found is one needs to make it work. All the stuff one hears of being friends in spirit is fine but one needs to work on being with each other. This doesn’t mean in person but to keep the relation going. To more than them being there for you, you being there for them always. To let them know that no matter what they do, you are going to (or try to) understand.
One of my best buddies in the world is someone who is diametrically opposite to me and often the only thing demanded of me is to understand. And believe you me, its tough! I am tempted to change my friend into being my mirror reflection. But then I think – does the world need another me? Nope. So we agree to disagree and move on :)
Even I have lost friends and friendships and felt the pain. But then I also understand that most of the times, its only me who carries the pain because I never let my friend know that I am grieving the loss of this friendship. And sometimes I also realise that my friend doesn’t see this as loss just because we aren’t doing things together doesn’t mean we aren’t friends!
I myself out of anger and deep hurt stopped all communication with a dear friend for two years! Never spoke a word. Each time I felt I wasn’t ready and it was no point in pretending that we are friends again. This may also be because I value my relations a lot. When I call someone a friend, it means a lot to me. And while I am not one to demand time from friends, if someone breaks a promise it breaks my heart.
Today when I look back I realise I was younger and had rigid ideas about things. I wouldn’t say much has changed now but I do realise its never worth losing time over a relation you want to save. No point in waiting for the other to make the first move. If in any case, you want to be their friend, just call. It may seem awkward in the beginning but soon you would be talking like those two years never went by! And this is rare because often even two days are long enough for relations to break.
Today we are friends again, in touch with each other and knowing that no matter what this is a bond we created for a lifetime.
And they say if you have 5 best friends, you have a good life. And I guess I am blessed because I have more than 5 close friends – all of whom have seen me through life’s worst times, picked me up and then helped me to laugh at my miserable state! And of them, 5 are in a different city, two in different countries as well and yet the bond remains – making the statement real for me that “The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart”
To those who are hurt, I can only say - take heart, your friends continue to be yours and when they go down memory lane, they think of you warmly and you know it was worth it all :)
All of us enjoy the company of friends – people whom we hold close to our hearts. But the important thing is all of us also lose friends. Over misunderstandings. Over fights. Over arguments. Over lack of contact. And also because we move on.
With every stage of life, one finds certain people with whom we share a common bond and every moment spent together is a good memory. But sometimes we move on from that stage, leaving behind those friends – some of whom are hurt by our disassociation.
And no, I don’t mean to stay out of touch. I am also told a lot of times that I chose to keep away and didn’t want the friendship anymore. And I am at a loss of words. Because sometimes one doesn’t have any explanation for this. Some friendships are circumstantial and try as much as we may, we sometimes cannot find common links with them anymore. Not to say that they don’t matter to us anymore or that we didn’t value them before, but just that the relation drifts along and finally apart.
And as they say, any relation needs work. So the important thing even for friendships, I have found is one needs to make it work. All the stuff one hears of being friends in spirit is fine but one needs to work on being with each other. This doesn’t mean in person but to keep the relation going. To more than them being there for you, you being there for them always. To let them know that no matter what they do, you are going to (or try to) understand.
One of my best buddies in the world is someone who is diametrically opposite to me and often the only thing demanded of me is to understand. And believe you me, its tough! I am tempted to change my friend into being my mirror reflection. But then I think – does the world need another me? Nope. So we agree to disagree and move on :)
Even I have lost friends and friendships and felt the pain. But then I also understand that most of the times, its only me who carries the pain because I never let my friend know that I am grieving the loss of this friendship. And sometimes I also realise that my friend doesn’t see this as loss just because we aren’t doing things together doesn’t mean we aren’t friends!
I myself out of anger and deep hurt stopped all communication with a dear friend for two years! Never spoke a word. Each time I felt I wasn’t ready and it was no point in pretending that we are friends again. This may also be because I value my relations a lot. When I call someone a friend, it means a lot to me. And while I am not one to demand time from friends, if someone breaks a promise it breaks my heart.
Today when I look back I realise I was younger and had rigid ideas about things. I wouldn’t say much has changed now but I do realise its never worth losing time over a relation you want to save. No point in waiting for the other to make the first move. If in any case, you want to be their friend, just call. It may seem awkward in the beginning but soon you would be talking like those two years never went by! And this is rare because often even two days are long enough for relations to break.
Today we are friends again, in touch with each other and knowing that no matter what this is a bond we created for a lifetime.
And they say if you have 5 best friends, you have a good life. And I guess I am blessed because I have more than 5 close friends – all of whom have seen me through life’s worst times, picked me up and then helped me to laugh at my miserable state! And of them, 5 are in a different city, two in different countries as well and yet the bond remains – making the statement real for me that “The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart”
To those who are hurt, I can only say - take heart, your friends continue to be yours and when they go down memory lane, they think of you warmly and you know it was worth it all :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Figuring out Life?
There are no straight answers
No clues that pop out
But there are loyal friends who stand by
Strangers who touch your heart
There are never easy choices
But then what is a choice, that is so easy to make?
Within you are those voices
That show you the real from the fake
The magic lies within you
Or maybe it does not
But that is because you do not define magic
Or else we all are magicians
There is pain, immense pain
It seems all in vain
But deep within you know this is worth it
Anyways you are not the one to simply sit
Even as the winners in the game celebrate
You know it is short-lived
You have learnt the bigger lesson
All that matters is that you keep learning
And in the end, you will realise
This is not a game after all
It is just a painting,
Colours of which are myriad
No clues that pop out
But there are loyal friends who stand by
Strangers who touch your heart
There are never easy choices
But then what is a choice, that is so easy to make?
Within you are those voices
That show you the real from the fake
The magic lies within you
Or maybe it does not
But that is because you do not define magic
Or else we all are magicians
There is pain, immense pain
It seems all in vain
But deep within you know this is worth it
Anyways you are not the one to simply sit
Even as the winners in the game celebrate
You know it is short-lived
You have learnt the bigger lesson
All that matters is that you keep learning
And in the end, you will realise
This is not a game after all
It is just a painting,
Colours of which are myriad
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Driving Force!
Its funny how much one could learn if one is observant. I have always wondered how life could be explained by the process of driving.
Some of us are always in the learning mode. We seem to get better at some parts but most of the times we stumble, use the wrong gear or hit the brakes too late.
Some of us are always the experts. We drive effortlessly through tricky lanes, humming a song and coming face to face with death yet never giving up.
Some of us are the wild ones. We hit the accelerator as soon as the car is ready and never sit to ponder over what is left behind. We love the feel of gush of wind across our faces as we zoom past life. Most of the times the traffic police is chasing us.
Some of us are the cautious ones. We enjoy long drives, drive fast on the highways and have one eye on the speedbreakers and ditches. We manoeuvre ourselves well and enjoy the ride. We hit some lows and land in troubles but we manage just fine.
And then there are some over-cautious ones. We never let loose. We never lose focus of the road. We don’t allow music in the car and high toned chatter is a big no-no. We never like halting in the middle for any small shopping and all we think of is how do we get home.
As I drive my way now, I also see how some of us are ever impatient. We never can stand the sight of a learner, who is making mistakes and honk away to glory. We curse, abuse and yell. We seem to believe everyone has to learn and learn at the first go. Slow learners have no place in this mad traffic, making them believe that they are misfits.
But everytime I watch a 48-year-old lady struggling to watch her balance on the bike, I wish her luck. I know what goes behind that attempt – the courage, the fear and the grit. Every time I see a 30 year old man struggle behind the wheel, fumbling his gears, I smile. He’ll learn, till then he can fumble.
I wish more of us could get that support. To be allowed to fumble till we get it right. And not having that support should actually make us more sensitive to others. We have been there at some point – be it academics, be it work or be it personal relations. We have felt that miserable feeling that we would never learn or worse still we’ll always fail. Then how come we don’t show that empathy to our fellow humans?
All of us pretend to be perfect. Not because we want to be perfect but because no one allows us to be imperfect. No one says 9/10 is good. No one says health is more important than work. No one says its ok to fail.
So the next time you see a learner on the road, let him/her take his/her time. They’ll come around. They’ll figure it out. Because at the next crossroads, they may just do the same for you :)
Some of us are always in the learning mode. We seem to get better at some parts but most of the times we stumble, use the wrong gear or hit the brakes too late.
Some of us are always the experts. We drive effortlessly through tricky lanes, humming a song and coming face to face with death yet never giving up.
Some of us are the wild ones. We hit the accelerator as soon as the car is ready and never sit to ponder over what is left behind. We love the feel of gush of wind across our faces as we zoom past life. Most of the times the traffic police is chasing us.
Some of us are the cautious ones. We enjoy long drives, drive fast on the highways and have one eye on the speedbreakers and ditches. We manoeuvre ourselves well and enjoy the ride. We hit some lows and land in troubles but we manage just fine.
And then there are some over-cautious ones. We never let loose. We never lose focus of the road. We don’t allow music in the car and high toned chatter is a big no-no. We never like halting in the middle for any small shopping and all we think of is how do we get home.
As I drive my way now, I also see how some of us are ever impatient. We never can stand the sight of a learner, who is making mistakes and honk away to glory. We curse, abuse and yell. We seem to believe everyone has to learn and learn at the first go. Slow learners have no place in this mad traffic, making them believe that they are misfits.
But everytime I watch a 48-year-old lady struggling to watch her balance on the bike, I wish her luck. I know what goes behind that attempt – the courage, the fear and the grit. Every time I see a 30 year old man struggle behind the wheel, fumbling his gears, I smile. He’ll learn, till then he can fumble.
I wish more of us could get that support. To be allowed to fumble till we get it right. And not having that support should actually make us more sensitive to others. We have been there at some point – be it academics, be it work or be it personal relations. We have felt that miserable feeling that we would never learn or worse still we’ll always fail. Then how come we don’t show that empathy to our fellow humans?
All of us pretend to be perfect. Not because we want to be perfect but because no one allows us to be imperfect. No one says 9/10 is good. No one says health is more important than work. No one says its ok to fail.
So the next time you see a learner on the road, let him/her take his/her time. They’ll come around. They’ll figure it out. Because at the next crossroads, they may just do the same for you :)
Friday, June 20, 2008
6 pack eh?
French philosopher Michel Foucault said body and sexuality are cultural constructs and he couldnt have been more right! By the way there is a craze for well-toned, muscular (for men) and "size zero" (for women) which by the way is dangerous to life, one could understand the obessession with the body.
Personally though I feel its best to be as natural as possible. Yes some of us tend to be more blessed with fat than others and the attempt should be to stay at optimum weight according to age and all. But the chase to be the 'thinnest of them all' doesnt help. I know several friends who in dire need to lose weight push themselves too hard causing grave danger to their life. But over-blessed friends have time and again narrated the heartwrenching experiences of being stared at, mocked for their weight and always being the butt of all jokes! One of them told me, "these days I crack jokes on my weight before someone else does. That way I still seem to have control over what is said about me. Not that it hurts any less!"
Interestingly, this is a serious concern among men, all of whom are intimidated by the Hrithiks and Salmans. Being muscular isnt being masculine, now is it? This is why I think I truly enjoyed seeing Ranbir Kapoor in Saawariya as a simple boy falling in love rather than some muscular dude (which is good I must admit, but not a prerequisite) who danced awesome and wooed the girl. People around us arent really those bronzed men, roaming shirtless on the streets, are they? Which is why I feel Imran Khan also may make a mark for himself because its just overdose of muscular men on screen. Yes, I believe in heroes and superheroes but when AB fought 10 goons alone in the 70s, I believed that too. I think a sincere attempt will do.
So while its always great to work on one's bodies, never is to be forgotten that well-toned bodies make a good first impression. Thats it! After that, it has to be who you truly are that will take the story forward. So take heart friends and if people keep telling you "oh my you are sooo skinny/ you have put on weight!" reply them as I do "Isnt that amazing. Dont I look smashing" Most people (out of diplomacy) will smile and wonder why you didnt feel bad.
And you will have the last laugh :)
Personally though I feel its best to be as natural as possible. Yes some of us tend to be more blessed with fat than others and the attempt should be to stay at optimum weight according to age and all. But the chase to be the 'thinnest of them all' doesnt help. I know several friends who in dire need to lose weight push themselves too hard causing grave danger to their life. But over-blessed friends have time and again narrated the heartwrenching experiences of being stared at, mocked for their weight and always being the butt of all jokes! One of them told me, "these days I crack jokes on my weight before someone else does. That way I still seem to have control over what is said about me. Not that it hurts any less!"
Interestingly, this is a serious concern among men, all of whom are intimidated by the Hrithiks and Salmans. Being muscular isnt being masculine, now is it? This is why I think I truly enjoyed seeing Ranbir Kapoor in Saawariya as a simple boy falling in love rather than some muscular dude (which is good I must admit, but not a prerequisite) who danced awesome and wooed the girl. People around us arent really those bronzed men, roaming shirtless on the streets, are they? Which is why I feel Imran Khan also may make a mark for himself because its just overdose of muscular men on screen. Yes, I believe in heroes and superheroes but when AB fought 10 goons alone in the 70s, I believed that too. I think a sincere attempt will do.
So while its always great to work on one's bodies, never is to be forgotten that well-toned bodies make a good first impression. Thats it! After that, it has to be who you truly are that will take the story forward. So take heart friends and if people keep telling you "oh my you are sooo skinny/ you have put on weight!" reply them as I do "Isnt that amazing. Dont I look smashing" Most people (out of diplomacy) will smile and wonder why you didnt feel bad.
And you will have the last laugh :)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
In the Name of God ....
Its only once in a while you come across a well meaning and well executed film and Khuda Ke Liye stands true on both accounts.
An exceptional film because its a simple story well told. And what better backdrop than music. The journey of the two brothers Mansoor and Sarmad is so unpredictable because at one level when you watch the film you think you know whats going to happen but then it takes a total turn and leaves you fatigued in your heart. Because anything that comes to the real leaves you wondering. And the film does come close to the real. Be the elder brother's experience of racial profiling or the younger brother's path to religious rigidism. The director's depiction of the younger brother's wife's struggle struck a chord. Even in her helplessness he manages to show how her spirit doesnt die ever!
The first film from a filmmaker in Pakistan to release in India in 43 years, this one sure is a honest and sincere attempt to look at the issues that seem to riddle the youth and that actually be across faiths. But the definite questions of Islamic identity, being a Muslim in the post 9/11 world, bearing markers of Islam - beard, doing the namaz or even having a Muslim name (which even the film Aamir shows well) are at least brought to question.
It has been my desire to know the Pakistan version to any issue and this film at least gave me an opportunity to see one man's vision. And I surely am glad that Khuda Ke Liye they let the film run in the theatres without interruption :)
An exceptional film because its a simple story well told. And what better backdrop than music. The journey of the two brothers Mansoor and Sarmad is so unpredictable because at one level when you watch the film you think you know whats going to happen but then it takes a total turn and leaves you fatigued in your heart. Because anything that comes to the real leaves you wondering. And the film does come close to the real. Be the elder brother's experience of racial profiling or the younger brother's path to religious rigidism. The director's depiction of the younger brother's wife's struggle struck a chord. Even in her helplessness he manages to show how her spirit doesnt die ever!
The first film from a filmmaker in Pakistan to release in India in 43 years, this one sure is a honest and sincere attempt to look at the issues that seem to riddle the youth and that actually be across faiths. But the definite questions of Islamic identity, being a Muslim in the post 9/11 world, bearing markers of Islam - beard, doing the namaz or even having a Muslim name (which even the film Aamir shows well) are at least brought to question.
It has been my desire to know the Pakistan version to any issue and this film at least gave me an opportunity to see one man's vision. And I surely am glad that Khuda Ke Liye they let the film run in the theatres without interruption :)
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Beauty on Duty
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. And I argue that this eye is constructed by varied economic, social, political, national and global discourses on what defines beauty, how is it to be enhanced and appreciated and enables you to participate in the global economy of beauty.
Locating beauty work in the concept of body work, it needs to be noted that body work is performed to care, cure, give sexual pleasure and decorate the body via the body of the worker through touch and close proximity. Hence masseurs, bar girls, escorts, undertakers, prostitutes, beauticians, dentists, nannies, midwives, tattooists, mortuary workers, yoga instructors, shoe salesmen, nurses and doctors are all body workers.
Many kinds of body work are seen as humiliating. Historically these works were done within specific personal relations like marriage, even caring for the patient occurred within the family. In India, historically much of body work was done within caste occupations like barbers. Now body work has entered the market and hence apparently anyone can do it. Moreover we also see a change in the definition of the body. Earlier intimate relations allowed for touch between bodies and since this occurred within the family, it was not seen as work. Now it is believed that these bodily contacts can take place between two strangers, in the market relations as well.
I did a small survey about beauty parlours and bigger beauty clinics and conclude that firstly, using the Gramscian point of view, the women in the beauty industry are not dopes of beauty who are there only because of some structural forces at play, without realizing that they are being duped. Rather they exercise their agency and choose to be in it. They understand the structure, enter it and negotiate their way through it. Hence we recognize women in the beauty industry as agential subjects who may be participating in the hegemony.
Moreover, as the beauty care providers move from the private to the public, new types of hierarchies may be reconstituted. Even as the association of certain castes to body work comes to be altered and new groups enter the profession, it doesn’t mean an end to the hierarchies. Even for the new entrants in the field, the point of entry is often determined by their social location and privileged classes and castes enter the industry at higher levels only.
Further, it needs to be recognized that women in beauty work actually require skill and it isn’t just about engaging in vanity. The work these women do is extremely skilled and requires soft but deft hands. To deny them this skill would be to fall prey to the popular notions that “Vanity thy name is woman!”
It also needs to be recognized that women bring innovation to their working spaces. They show their skill and industriousness in terms of decorating the limited spaces within which they work to make it look customer-friendly, in terms of decorating their own bodies to look neat and in terms of developing excellent public relations skills to attract and retain to customers.
Hence I argue that though hegemonization occurs, we don’t see a complete victimization as there are constant negotiations within that hegemonization and also that some of the actors do remain outside the victim framework. Hence, I beg to differ from many of the popular discourses that either seek to dismiss beauty work as being vain and duping the non-critical masses or else celebrate it as empowering women. Such binaries make us lose out on the agential roles women play in marking out their spaces even as they understand their work differentially from popular discourses.
Therefore I choose to look at women in beauty work as a choice the women make inspite of knowing that the choices themselves may be constructed. These choices do open up possibilities for the women engaging in them in terms of offering them livelihood options or actually leading to their empowerment even if in a restricted sense. Moreover they also recognize that this has been a result of the global economy of beauty thus indicating that they are aware of the larger socio-political scenario that they are part of and participate in the beauty industry knowingly.
And it gives us ample chance to smile at a sign at a barber’s saloon in Mumbai that reads:
“We need your heads to run our business!”
Locating beauty work in the concept of body work, it needs to be noted that body work is performed to care, cure, give sexual pleasure and decorate the body via the body of the worker through touch and close proximity. Hence masseurs, bar girls, escorts, undertakers, prostitutes, beauticians, dentists, nannies, midwives, tattooists, mortuary workers, yoga instructors, shoe salesmen, nurses and doctors are all body workers.
Many kinds of body work are seen as humiliating. Historically these works were done within specific personal relations like marriage, even caring for the patient occurred within the family. In India, historically much of body work was done within caste occupations like barbers. Now body work has entered the market and hence apparently anyone can do it. Moreover we also see a change in the definition of the body. Earlier intimate relations allowed for touch between bodies and since this occurred within the family, it was not seen as work. Now it is believed that these bodily contacts can take place between two strangers, in the market relations as well.
I did a small survey about beauty parlours and bigger beauty clinics and conclude that firstly, using the Gramscian point of view, the women in the beauty industry are not dopes of beauty who are there only because of some structural forces at play, without realizing that they are being duped. Rather they exercise their agency and choose to be in it. They understand the structure, enter it and negotiate their way through it. Hence we recognize women in the beauty industry as agential subjects who may be participating in the hegemony.
Moreover, as the beauty care providers move from the private to the public, new types of hierarchies may be reconstituted. Even as the association of certain castes to body work comes to be altered and new groups enter the profession, it doesn’t mean an end to the hierarchies. Even for the new entrants in the field, the point of entry is often determined by their social location and privileged classes and castes enter the industry at higher levels only.
Further, it needs to be recognized that women in beauty work actually require skill and it isn’t just about engaging in vanity. The work these women do is extremely skilled and requires soft but deft hands. To deny them this skill would be to fall prey to the popular notions that “Vanity thy name is woman!”
It also needs to be recognized that women bring innovation to their working spaces. They show their skill and industriousness in terms of decorating the limited spaces within which they work to make it look customer-friendly, in terms of decorating their own bodies to look neat and in terms of developing excellent public relations skills to attract and retain to customers.
Hence I argue that though hegemonization occurs, we don’t see a complete victimization as there are constant negotiations within that hegemonization and also that some of the actors do remain outside the victim framework. Hence, I beg to differ from many of the popular discourses that either seek to dismiss beauty work as being vain and duping the non-critical masses or else celebrate it as empowering women. Such binaries make us lose out on the agential roles women play in marking out their spaces even as they understand their work differentially from popular discourses.
Therefore I choose to look at women in beauty work as a choice the women make inspite of knowing that the choices themselves may be constructed. These choices do open up possibilities for the women engaging in them in terms of offering them livelihood options or actually leading to their empowerment even if in a restricted sense. Moreover they also recognize that this has been a result of the global economy of beauty thus indicating that they are aware of the larger socio-political scenario that they are part of and participate in the beauty industry knowingly.
And it gives us ample chance to smile at a sign at a barber’s saloon in Mumbai that reads:
“We need your heads to run our business!”
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